Getting a new apartment is nearly impossible! Getting a new apartment is akin to volunteering or working with children. You don't get paid anything, no one is sincerely nice to you, and at the end of the day, any thanks coming your way are your own.
To get a new apartment, you have to bark orders into the phone. You have to be pushy and schedule appointments on top of appointments. The only acceptable writing materials are a pen without a cap and an envelope, probably one containing a utility bill for your old apartment. That old apartment is meaningless now. Get hungry eyes! See the new, new, new. Become you, you, you.
Get a new voice, get a new email, get super charged Craigslist eyes. Stalk the columns. Separate ads from each other. Know the rental companies, the short cuts in applications, the fastest way to beat another's application with your own. Offer to pay and pay now. Carry your checkbook like it's a change purse and use it just as often. Leave annoying messages in mysterious language. Phrases like "move forward" and "looking forward to it." If you're not a professional, you're probably moving backward in life, so the word "forward" is especially foreign. It can't be anymore. You're looking for a new apartment. Embrace the foreign. Gain the domestic.
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