Tuesday, June 15, 2010

HOW TO ATTEND A FASHION PARTY

There is no list! That line of thinking is totally incorrect. What you need instead is a costume of designer-wear. Unless you're famous, don't bother coming if you're fat. See my previous post on McDonald's if this is the case.

In costume, sweep into a super secret area of somewhere so elite it's known existence is practically secret. Look at everyone. Then look at everyone again. Act as though you're really drinking in what they're wearing. Instead, replay some episodes of internet TV inside your brain. This is a key viewing time, no other time will be this uninterrupted.

Keep on looking. Keep on drinking. Remember that if you've been drinking, alcohol is your appetizer, half your main course, and dessert all poured into a single glass. There is no such thing as food at alcohol parties. If you're into free food, exit fashion and enter some other industry.

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