INTERVIEW

I am talking about cats here:

http://www.smokelong.com/interview/jengann28.asp

The mayor sat on the hood of his car, glaring into a puddle. Three miniature buffalo trotted toward a lone fountain drink. Overhead, clouds smashed against a screen of sky. The sun was nowhere around but still, the parking lot's cement was warm for everyone.

HOW TO BE HAPPY IN ANY MAJOR CITY OR MALL

Go straight to a large clothing store. Preferably this store will have white tiles and play pop music. Ideally, this store will sell the majority of its items for under fifty dollars. Look only at those for sale in the twenty dollar range.

If you're about to get flown home for a funeral, pick something gray you can wear some other time. Try on at least ten others just to be sure. Don't get stuck making conversation in the dressing room. No one cares how long the line is. Tune out the voice of people and hear only the music overhead, every last word in solid gold sincerity.

Hopefully your store has multiple levels. Climb the stairs or escalator, then go back down. Feel free to cry if a crazy person approaches. Escape by coaxing your credit card from its fold. But don't really buy anything unless you have to. The point is more to try things on and hate them. If not for a funeral or to funnel your anger elsewhere, ditch whatever you're buying in the accessories bins.

Maybe allow for a single spring shoot of love, perhaps one clothing item resting on your arm. Be sure to remember the store's whitest tiles and blackest edges and refrain from speaking to anyone you know for hours after.