IT IS AWESOME: VACATION EDITION

Welcome back to a special production of IT IS AWESOME. Here are some awesome outtakes of my short vacation to Seattle.

The movie Practical Magic, starring Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman, is awesome. My best friend is going to have an awesome wedding today. I am going to give an awesome toast. The blogger Sexpigeon is going to look awesome in his suit. The weather will be awesome. The bottle of tequila in my bag is going to taste awesome. Overall, there is an awesome day to be had. That's all the awesome for now, folks. Keep at it.

IT IS AWESOME

Welcome to a new feature of this blog called IT IS AWESOME.

It is awesome that I quit my job today. It is awesome that I will work entirely from home from now on. It is awesome that I don't have to wear any t-shirts I don't want to wear. It is awesome that I could wear underwear all day and no one would know.

It is awesome that the market downstairs has Mr. Brown coffee for seventy-five cents. It is awesome how sunny and sweaty today was. It is awesome how I am fifteen essays deep into grading. It is awesome how I can take a bath soon.

Necessary Fiction

Here I am trying to make myself laugh (not hard to do):

Funny Bones at Necessary Fiction.

INTERVIEW

I am talking about tigers here:

http://www.pankmagazine.com/pankblog/?p=5418.

INTERVIEW

I am talking about cats here:

http://www.smokelong.com/interview/jengann28.asp

The mayor sat on the hood of his car, glaring into a puddle. Three miniature buffalo trotted toward a lone fountain drink. Overhead, clouds smashed against a screen of sky. The sun was nowhere around but still, the parking lot's cement was warm for everyone.

HOW TO BE HAPPY IN ANY MAJOR CITY OR MALL

Go straight to a large clothing store. Preferably this store will have white tiles and play pop music. Ideally, this store will sell the majority of its items for under fifty dollars. Look only at those for sale in the twenty dollar range.

If you're about to get flown home for a funeral, pick something gray you can wear some other time. Try on at least ten others just to be sure. Don't get stuck making conversation in the dressing room. No one cares how long the line is. Tune out the voice of people and hear only the music overhead, every last word in solid gold sincerity.

Hopefully your store has multiple levels. Climb the stairs or escalator, then go back down. Feel free to cry if a crazy person approaches. Escape by coaxing your credit card from its fold. But don't really buy anything unless you have to. The point is more to try things on and hate them. If not for a funeral or to funnel your anger elsewhere, ditch whatever you're buying in the accessories bins.

Maybe allow for a single spring shoot of love, perhaps one clothing item resting on your arm. Be sure to remember the store's whitest tiles and blackest edges and refrain from speaking to anyone you know for hours after.